OK, it's actually not that long since I last blogged (by my standards at least) but there have been some big, and I guess, life changing events for me over the last two weeks. Two weeks ago today (30th December 2007) was the day I suffered a heart attack. To be honest it was a bit of a shock and something that I really hadn't anticipated...... at least at only 35 years old. I'm not going to harp on the details of the "big event" except to say that it was really great to be released from hospital within a week.
I've been really overwhelmed by the support received from my family, friends and colleagues both here and in England. The kind messages, cards and visits that I have recieved have really meant a lot to me and given me a lot to think about whilst lying around doing very little. Most of all, Fi has been a real tower of strength for me, never waivering in her sympathy during a time which has been for her physically and emotionally testing. She has done a great job keeping me on the straight and narrow and maintaining focus on the important things and keeping my frustration to a minimum. Thanks Darling, it's been easy for me with you to lean on! I love you so much!
One of the most testing things to deal with over the last couple of weeks has been the language barrier. Most hurdles can be overcome and I have learnt a lot of new words (both German and Swiss-German) but I have to say that it is really difficult to express how I feel emotionally. I expect that I come across as moody and impatient....no difference there then ;-))
Well, I was home for a few days which was really nice, just until they found space for me at the rehab clinic (Klinik Barmelweid - http://www.barmelweid.ch/) where I started on Thursday last week for 14 days. The clinic is located at the top of the Jura overlooking the Swiss midlands with beautiful views across to the Bernese Oberland. Unfortunately that makes it very remote and a real trek for Fiona to get to every evening after work. The clinic itself is fine except that their normal clients are aged between 60 and 80 so the rehab is for me no effort at all. That is presenting it's own problems in that I'm totally frustrated with very little to do between the 2 hours of activities presented per day. OK, I know that I should be resting, but when presented with a location that is hiking and mountain biking heaven, just sitting around is real torture. I've never been good at just sitting around so the torture is quite amplified and not reducing my stress levels at all. It feels a bit like being in prison so I can't wait until next weekend when I will be allowed home for a couple of days. At least my bike on the turbo-trainer is more comfortable than the exercise bikes here.......
So now is the time to make some changes to prevent this happening again. First things first, I've withdrawn from the MSc course, at least for six months. To be honest, whether I restart depends upon a lot of decisions that I need to face over the next few weeks and months. Obviously I need to find the root cause of why I had a heart attack..... and it's all pointing at stress at the moment which tends to point at factors such as work-life balance, pressure and lifestyle. Things were already coming to a head before I finished work for Christmas and I need to apologise to my work mates for being such a miserable b***ard. I've already discussed with Fi and we agree on a lot of things and have some ideas which we will explore over the coming weeks (and I'll mention here once discussed with all the right folks). One thing is certain - I'm not going to go back to my previous lifestyle. I'm definately going to make more time for Fi and me. No more late nights in the office or weekend e-mailing for me. I'll do more exercise and get home-life under control.... and really get properly fit again. I'm just listening to Nouvelle Vague and the words seem to sum the situation up:
The future's open wide,
There's nothing that you and I won't do,
You've seen the difference and it's getting better all the time,
I'll stop the world and melt with you.....[Fiona]
Not sure when I will get back to work yet. I've already missed a management training which is annoying. Of course, I have no illusion that my colleagues have everything under control. I've even switched my Blackberry off which is actually making me feel quite liberated at the moment.
One thing is certain..... Fi and I need a holiday. I don't think that I can fly long-haul for a while so it will need to be Majorca or somewhere soon. On the up side we have tickets to see The Cure and Kylie (not at the same time) in Zürich. Cool.
Oh, well...... I better post this before lights out! Reminds me of youth hosteling in Wales ;-))
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