In Memory of David Graham - 1945 to 2009

Some of you may well ask why I haven't blogged in so long. It's a valid question, with one big answer... there have been many personal things going on this year that didn't seem appropriate to write about (in case of upset to those involved) and it also felt inappropriate to ignore these things in my writing.

June and July were tough months for the whole family. Unfortunately, Fi's father, David, was diagnosed with terminal pancreatic cancer at the end of last year. It was incredibly sad to watch an old friend and father become steadily weaker and more frail when you know that there is no cure and nothing that you can do to help. Fi was spending every second weekend in Crawley to be with her family while I "held the fort" back here in Switzerland. Being appart is never easy, however, under the circumstances it was even harder to bear.

It is also a very strange sensation when you are on one side so happy about the future birth of your son and on the other so sad for the loss of a loved family member. We decided very early that our son's middle name would be Wallace in order to maintain the family line from the Graham's.

David passed away peacefully at home. He was only 63. It was a great comfort to the whole family that David was able to spend his last days close to his family and surrounded by the things that were most dear to him. With 24 hour nursing care it was good to see that David always had someone close to him and it was also a great relief to the family who coped so well throughout demonstrating their strength and closeness as a unit. David leaves behind his wife Margaret, his Daughters Fiona and Jenny and his Son Alisdair.

Although a sad event, David's funeral was very well attended. The list of attendees really showed how active David had been in life as a cyclist, drummer, environmentalist, campaigner, and above all dedicated family man. The service was beautiful and included a recording of "Morning has broken" from David's most recent jazz band. They went on to play at the wake which was held at long term friend Chris' pub in East Grinstead.

My memories of David are varied but are all good! From the times when he looked after us youngsters on the Crawley Wheelers clubruns (buying us beer and laughing when we crashed on the way home!) to recent times drinking beer in the sun on the Rigi in Switzerland. David was always supportive of Fi and me and always full of useful advise while never forcing his opinion on others. David was never afraid to embrace new technology and could always keep up in the technology race with Alasdair. We could all learn from him.

I am fairly sure that where ever David is, he will have internet access! So remember, my old freind, you may be gone, but you will never be forgotten. Not by your family, not by your friends and not by your gandchildren! Shine on.

New and Forthcoming Arrivals

I'm pleased to announce that after a long wait, Fi is pregnant (with child, blooming, up the duff, or whatever other way you would like me to put it). Certainly great news and food for thought.... if there were any food left in the house after Fi ate it all! So, there will be some lifechanges ahead which I have been assured will be wonderful, and frankly I can't wait until October! By some coincidence Fi's sister is also pregnant with only a three week difference in due date (sounds like supply chain.... 9 month lead time...). Fi and baby are doing fine so far, despite other issues going on around that I won't mention here. Actually, I'm really proud of how Fi is handling it all with much less panick than me.....

Personally, I'm getting quite excited and have already been checking out baby trailers for the bike. Perhaps I should also invest in a "long vehicle" sign for when it's dangling from the back of the tandem (at least that far back only Fi will hear it screaming). I don't like to refer to the baby as "it" so currently it is known either as "bump" or "squeaker"..... although perhaps we should call it "jaffa cake" based on Fi's current diet. Amazingly we have already decided on names so all we need to know now is squeakers sex...

So what about the new arrival? Yes, I have another bike in the stable. Finally got around to building up my Pinarello with a very nice Campy Super Record 11 speed group. Really, I should be out on it now, instead of writing about it..... but it rained yesterday and there are bound to be damp patches under the trees. It will be MTB instead today.

I am now more sure than ever that pulling out of the Gigathlon was a good idea. Since then my opportunities to ride have been narrowed down by work travels. It's quite a shame though. I've only made it out with the cycling club once this year. Never mind... I've entered a work team for "Bike to Work" month in June... OK, I'll be travelling most of June but the rest of the team can make up for me (just like work - LOL).

Growing Up

Growing up... or getting sensible... or getting wiser as you get older... learning your limitations. Whatever you choose to call it, that point in your life when finally get a grip of reality hits us all eventualy (although there do seem to be some exceptions). Anyhow, I think that I reached that point in life about a week ago and since then can face the world with a lucid clarity that I don't think I've ever experienced before. Suddenly, my aims are clear and I really know where I would like my future to be whilst maintaining a solid grounding in the present.

Don't get me wrong..... I haven't got religion (of any kind) or had a drug-induced vision and certainly haven't been reading any self-help guides for the disoriented! Seems I just woke up a few days ago with a recalibrated life-compass and self-determination that I didn't have when my head hit the pillow the previous evening.

So what does this mean? I'm still me.... moody, stubborn, driven... just a more realistic me. First thing I did was to pull out of the Gigathlon. I didn't realize how much pressure I was putting myself under with that one and now feel realy relaxed about my cycling. Suddenly my bike rides are just for fun and fitness.... not that they are any fewer or lower intensity. Now I can make time for other activities (especially spending time with friends) without feeling guilty about that lost hour on the bike, or skipping the last climb because I'd rather be home with Fiona! There will still be a place for competition.... just at a realistic level that suits my lifestyle. There are just so many other interesting things to do. For instance, I spent the afternoon with Lorenz last Saturday visiting Astronomical Observatories. Very interesting, great fun.... and a good meal afterwards!

Work continues to consume alot of time and energy so I'm really lucky that I enjoy my job. Last week I was in Italy, in the region of Napoli and just in the shadow of Vesuvius. Always a pleasure to visit my colleagues there as they make me feel really welcome..... just wish the flight connections from here were a little easier. Fiona will tell you that I've been managing the travel and pressure better this year. Easy to say at the moment as I'm off for a week... BUT... no Blackberry... no withdrawal symptoms as there is plenty of other stuff to do in the beautiful spring weather that has finally decided to arrive in these parts.

Well, I hope it is Spring and not just a warm week as I put my summer tyres on the car this morning.... followed with cutting the grass for the first time. We even have frog-sporn in the swimming pool (not worried as we are going to get it filled in this year). Ahhh, the country life ;-)

Fröh Ostern!

Friends

I need to remark on how priveledged I am to have such great friends! Last weekend I was fortunate enough to be able to drive down to Tuscany and meet up with my old East Grinstead CC team mates. Steve B, Steve D, Andy S, Paul B and Brian P were competing in a team time trial at Forte di Marmi, so I thought I would go and watch. They did good, recording 19th out of 170 teams...... I'm sure there will be a report soon on the EGCC web site, so I won't go into further details here.

Despite not participating in the time trial, I managed to get a couple of rides with the lads. On Saturday they were preparing for the race so proved to be a good indicator of my general lack of fitness. I was hanging on Steve D's wheel at around 50KPH and a pulse of 191BPM (don't tell my cardiologist). It was a true through and off manouver..... Steve went through and I went off..... off the back that is! Ouch!

You can tell good friends by the way you can just pick up where you left off with them. It was really just like old times, except that I was the whipping boy! I think they were getting their revenge on the Scratchman. I took another kicking on Monday morning when we all went for a ride in the Tuscan hills behind Lucca. I thought that the boys would be tired after their efforts on Sunday.... nope. First hill and I was shelled out... very quickly. Not to worry, it was fun to be out in a group and I could mainly hold my own on the flat. Just a shame that Brian had a spill on one othe dodgy damp and gritty decents. Fortunately, not too much damage done..... and soon forgotten following a pasta lunch sitting out in the Spring sunshine. Link to route of ride.

Steve and Alex (along with extended Italian family) were, as always very welcoming. How they continue to put up with hosting the British rabble, I just don't know..... Anyway, thanks from me for everything!

Unfortunately, the weekend was over far too quickly and we were saying our good-byes much too soon. A quick (5hr) drive over the Alps via Milano and back into the chilly Swiss night. Brrrrr! When is spring going to arrive here? Roll on my next visit to Tuscany..... I'll be fitter by then.

Cold

For a number of reasons, that are just too sad or personal to mention here, 2009 has already thrown some hard challenges at Fi and me. January was an incredibly tough month, especially after having enjoyed a beautiful and relaxing Christmas in the Dolomites. Shit happens. It just seems that sometimes there is a muck spreader parked outside the front door!

And it's cold. The weather certainly doesn't help the mood at the moment. On the health front, I've had cold after cold this year, culminating in catching flu last week whilst in New York. I returned early and spent two days in bed. Lovely..... at least I had an excuse to get some sleep and I also discovered that when you feel ill you don't notice jet lag. However, I don't recommend long haul flights with the flu, even in business class.

Reviewing my "resolutions" for the year, I am pleased to say that I have made progress on all of them. Since drinking 15 beers in NYC last Saturday night I'm pleased to say that I have now given up alcohol. Not sure how long it will last, but it's good for my weight which is getting progresively lower. I'm trying hard (even if unsuccesfuly) to give up working at the weekends, although, I haven't been up to cycling and I do need something other than the playstation to fill up my time.

I'm definately trying to stay positive. Boy, that's hard at the moment. I'm planning a comeback on the bike this year (again) and have just finished building up an old Treck OCLV that I "found" in the loft. One day, I'll get around to building up the Pinarello Paris I bought two years ago.... but that is going to be expensive (will have to be Campag Record 11 Speed). Fiona and I are going to be spending holidays in England this year, so there is a good chance of doing some races in blighty as I build up to the Gigathlon in July. I have a "race" up Alpe d'Huez planned for August that has €10 resting on it..... and my pride. So if the cold weather and the flu would just go away, I could do with getting on with some training. Please.

I need to remark how useful Facebook has been in getting in contact with a lot of old friends. I've recently rekindled many old friendships and have a long list of people to contact next time I'm in the UK. I caught up with my old cycling buddy Leigh in NYC last weekend (hence the beer). Next time we'll be cycling together again, only 6000Km west of our old stomping grounds of Surrey and Sussex.

So, here's hoping for a brighter and warmer outlook.

One year ago.....

About this time, one year ago I was sitting on the stairs drinking a cup of tea, having just returned from a bike ride. I never expected that the strange burning sensation in my chest and kneck would have such a profound impact on my life.

Certainly, it's not a good thing to dwell on past events unless you learn from them and use them as a reminder to not slip back to old ways and habbits. As I wrote in my last blog, there have been many positives to the year, however, learning the lesson is not as easy as you would think. Being, by nature, a competitive person, I have found it all too easy to regress back towards my old lifestyle and have started to push the boundaries of what is reasonable for the body and mind to accept. Taking the advice from my doctor in the rehab clinic, I have to change. I owe it to myself and I also owe it to Fiona, my friends, my family and my colleagues who have rallied around me throughout the year and got me back on my feet.

2008 has been all about, recovery, survival and getting back to normal. I can't thank enough my close support network for getting me to where I am today!

2009 has to be a year of change and prioritization of the various aspects of my life. I'm sure that I wrote about that during my time in rehab.... just never followed through on it. Ultimately, the buck stops with me. I have to make the changes that will enable me to repay all those who have shown faith in me over the last 12 months.

Therefore, as a (kind of) resolution to the future, I pledge the following:

• Learn that I don't always have to be the best (second place is cool too);
• Realize that there are only so many hours in a day and that you can't do everything;
• Spend time to enjoy the company of others and have some "me" time too;
• Live a healthy, tollerant and sustainable life;
• Identify and limit negative exposure to negative energy sources.
  

And please tell me if you see me violating this pledge. I'm only human and I need to be reminded from time to time....

I'll finish by wishing all of you a happy, healthy and successful 2009! There will be challenges, for sure, but with the right combination of friends, family and self motivation it's possible to overcome most things.

2008 - End of Year Review

So, the end of the year is nearly upon us. Only 5 more days left in the office and a whole heap of work to get through. But, I'm not going to let that stress me out. After all, there are more interesting things to think about, like the upcoming festivities and the winter snow.

I think it's fair to say that 2008 will be remembered for mainly the wrong reasons. It's certainly not been the easiest of years, although after starting the year in intensive care, I think that things have had a generally positive trend. Personally, there have been some really positive things:

1/ I discovered the "off" button on my Blackberry.... although I seem to have lost it again recently. I must work on that....

2/ I was promoted at work and Fiona has a positive career trend too.

3/ We had a couple of great holidays. Majorca seems a long time ago now and our holiday in Italy also a distant memory. But, definately great times!

4/ The difficult personal situation this year has really brought Fi and I even closer together (if that is possible). Without each other and our close friends I don't know how we would have got through the year.

5/ We have re-discovered many lost friends and relatives this year. It's heartening to know that people remember us.... and still want to be in contact.

6/ I won a bike race! So a 100% win rate :-))

7/ I broke all my geocaching records.

8/ Germany didn't win Euro 2008 (sorry German friends)!

I am not gong to dwell on the negatives so I'm looking forward to 2009 with anticipation. We already know that it isn't going to be an easy year, but I think we will come through it stronger on the back of our experiences this year. Actions plans are almost formulated to ensure we both get things back on track..... and it's a Gigathlon year again.

Hopefully this won't be my last blog entry this year, however, just in case, I would like to wish all of you a really happy festive season and a good start to 2009.

Also, a special thanks to our friends the Fluck's and the Curle's whom without we would probably not have made it through 2008 without such success.